The Law of Attraction states that if we “ask and believe” we will “receive.” Those of us who are a bit more cynical know that the moment we stop seeking, we find.
At this point, I shrug. It figures. Haven’t I learned this lesson before?
Years ago, I found my peace center. (I am not sure how I found it and how I subsequently lost it and where it has gone, but it was nice while it lasted.) I knew what love was. It was my puppy, Marley; it was smiling my biggest smile at every grumpy old crotchety man who sneered at me; it was picking up caterpillars from the bike path so that they could grow into their very best selves.
I knew that love existed in some other form, somewhere out there, but I was content where I was, with that “other love” in “some other place” “out there.” One thing I know: you can’t pin all your hopes on someone and expect them to save you. (You also cannot expect anyone to read your damn mind, but it is ridiculously difficult to remember this for some reason.) I learned this lesson at a comparatively young age, and I continue to learn it in hundreds of ways. I’m not big on having a “plan B” and that means that I am often left with little time to make big decisions. I like it that way. Thinking too much about “plan B” makes me feel like I am not really committed to whatever it is I am doing , and that leaves me with a huge sense of discontent rife with “what-ifs” and “buts.” I guess what I am saying is, as much as I know you can’t put your everything into one dream or goal or person, it’s difficult to find that balance and turn off the hyper-focus.
And when I was younger, teachers and parents and other people (whose business it was not) always said to me, “now don’t spread yourself too thin.” Oh. Okay.
No wonder I was confused.
Every day, I learn a little more about what happiness isn’t and what love isn’t and what peace isn’t. Which, to me, means I must be closer to knowing what these things are.
**I snuck in a song lyric as the post title again. Blessid Union of Souls is probably the most under-rated 90s band EVER, and that line is beyond perfect for me right now.PP
