How many times in the past (on this blog and countless others) have I stated my intentions to carry out a juice fast (well, juice feast, really; you can’t technically “fast” on juice as you still consume calories) and days (or hours) later said “nope, sorry, I need the fiber/need the fat/too stressed/my dog ate it.” (That last excuse is one-size-fits-all. Late for work? Dog ate it! Dreading that baby shower? Dog ate it! Take a $20 bill from your sleeping husband’s wallet to buy a new yoga towel? Dog. Ate. It. No, really.)
The past few weeks have been…well, interesting. For one, I have discovered the reason why I always “give up” on my juice feasts. But more on that later. New things are happening, old things are happening (!) (?), you know…things. Things are happening. Exactly what do people mean when they say “Things are happening”? Oh, yeah. Things=Life. Life is happening.
I have a ton of motivation to regain my optimal health (and yes, looks too. I’m vain, I admit it, deal with it.) I have several opportunities to travel coming up soon, and I don’t like traveling while feeling icky. (I don’t even like sitting on my sofa feeling icky, go figure.) I have tons of other reasons to want to feel good again, but none so exciting. Trust me.
What will I leave behind this time, that caused me to fail miserably in the past? Fear. That little fucktard Fear and his posse of Negativity and Hate and Stress. (Yep, I really did just say “fucktard.”) If Fear were a person, (s)he would be a passive-aggressive little whiner who realizes the utter truth: (s)he is basically nothing, an invented emotion with no control at all. Last week I was talking with someone about a question they were asked regarding whether another’s fears were justified. And I said, “only if you let them be…” meaning that Fear only has power when you lend it to him/her/it/whatever.
Ah, Fear. I know that I have been presented with these opportunities and choices. “But what if I make the wrong choices?” What if? I have made the wrong choices so many times in my life–and look, I’m still here to tell you all about it! (In my experience, you will eventually get a chance to “fix it” and make the right choice…sometimes years and years later. Or at least discover that the thing you thought was the “wrong choice” was spot-on RIGHT. Funny how that works, eh?)
So Fear+juice? What is that about? Well. I am almost embarrassed to say. The thought of “all that sugar and no fiber” kind of freaks me out. It is never the hunger, the cravings, the detox symptoms. Oh, no. It is always only my mind, telling me that a few days or weeks or months of all this vitamin-filled sweet nectar will surely do something terrible, like spike my blood sugar (or, eek, MAKE ME FAT)! (News flash: I have a blood sugar monitor like diabetics use. A baked potato send me from 72 to 169. Pure fresh squeezed apple juice, usually painted as an evil, high-glycemic sugar nightmare? From 79 to 86. Interesting.) I have to think of it this way. I abused my body for years with cigarettes, junk food, fake diet food, chemical-laden tap water, prescription drugs, recreational drugs, laxatives, diet pills, and negativity. YEARS. So, if I make my goal three weeks of juice…exactly what can three weeks of juice do to hurt me? Yeah, there is some perspective.
Good-bye, Fear…or should I say, kthanksfuckoff, Fear…I am throwing you out on your pansy ass.
*I am the only one who gets the double meaning to this title. Maybe I will share it with one other person someday. However, sometimes one of life’s greatest pleasures is laughing at an inside joke you have with yourself. Try it.
